


Unsaid

by insouciant



Category: Thor - All Media Types
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-09-23
Updated: 2013-09-23
Packaged: 2017-12-27 10:57:43
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,833
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/978012
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/insouciant/pseuds/insouciant
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Gods & goddesses are given their fates at birth, instead of becoming who they are through time.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Unsaid

In the land of immortals, the city is thick with smoke as it always is after the celebration that marked another new beginning. Each young life brought to the altar has been gifted with a purpose. Although yet unaware, the power, strange and new, surges within them and beats along their hearts.

 

The young ones are laid carefully back into their cradles. Their mothers’ soft whispers and fathers’ gentle pats lull them back to sleep. For most, it is a night to celebrate for their children will be continuing the legacy of their fathers and forefathers. For some, it is a night to mourn for fate has been too harsh on their children.

 

∞

 

“So strong already, my child.” A soft voice says. A mother chuckles as her infant son’s small hand wraps around her finger. His grip is unusually strong and a sense of pride swells inside her.

 

“You have inside you the power that will make many envious. Be proud, yet humble. Be strong, yet caring. Carry in you a heart full of love and kindness, not that of conceit and vanity. Make your mother proud, Thor, the god of thunder.” The baby stares at her with curiosity, trying to understand the meaning behind her words. She kisses his hand gently with a smile on her face.

 

∞

 

“Oh, my pitiful child.” A sob escapes. A mother bites her lips, holding her son close to her bosom. The baby cringes as her tears continue to drop on his face and she quickly wipes them away with a soft cloth.

 

“You will hurt everyone around you, yet you will carry the heaviest of heart, full of hidden pain and unsaid words. Honesty will never spare a time for you and solitude will become your best companion. Oh, Loki, my poor child!” The child rouses from his sleep as her body shakes with sadness. He reaches out with his small hand to grab a hold of her tears. She grabs his hand and kisses it over and over.

 

∞

 

It is a blessing.

It is a curse.

 

It is a path to a glorious eternity.

It is an unpaved road filled with never ending contempt.

 

It is fate.

 

∞

 

When Loki is but a child, he wishes to be in the company of other children. However, his tongue is sharp and his hands bring nothing, but mischief. None welcomes the presence of the young trickster god.

 

He bites his lips and holds his tears as he walks away from them. He doesn’t want this. He has never asked for this. He doesn’t want to be the god of mischief and lies. He wants to be the god of justice, of love, of peace, or of truth like others.

 

He hides under the shadows and sheds his tears, cursing whoever has chosen this cruel fate for him. No matter how much he struggles to be free of who he is and the power within him, it seems that he is fighting a losing battle.

 

He gasps in surprise as he feels a gentle hand on his shoulder. He hurries to wipe his tears. When he turns around, he sees the color of blue that reminds him of a drizzle of rain. It’s Thor, the god of thunder and battle. He carries with him a warm smile that makes Loki’s heart beat faster.

 

His mind is at lost with words, but alas, his tongue is faster to act. “What brings you here, god of brute strength?”

 

Thor’s smile falters, but his hand remains on his shoulder. “I came to ask if you wanted to train with me.”

 

Loki wants to answer _yes_ , that he wants to join him, and that he is in need of a company, but when he opens his mouth, cutting words spill out of him. “With you? I will not be humiliated by you in front of other gods. Go bully someone else.” He quickly turns his eyes elsewhere, unable to look at Thor whose face must be filled with anger and hurt.

 

Unlike Loki’s expectation, however, Thor doesn’t leave or retort with insults. When he speaks, his voice remains calm and gentle. “I would like to have you with me during practice. Let’s go.”

 

Before Loki can answer him, Thor grabs his hand and drags him to his feet, pulling him out of the shadows. “Let’s see if your sword skills are as sharp as your tongue.”

 

∞

 

Loki appreciates more than anything the constant company of Thor. He expected long ago that one day even Thor would tire of his insults and his inability to express love and gratitude. The truth is he still does. Whenever he sees Thor’s smile falter, or his face go rigid, after a particularly sharp remark, he tells himself that _this may be the_ day.

 

Yet, Thor is still beside him with a gentle smile on his face.

∞

With age, Loki’s tongue becomes sharper and more dangerous. It is his best choice of weapon. His words, when intended, are poisonous enough to kill as warriors do with their swords. Often, he travels through different worlds with a purpose to destroy, or bring about peace. In his power of persuasion, no one has bested him.

 

However, even with his growing power, Loki hides under shadows and accepts solitude as his best companion. When he is in another world, he longs for Thor, who is away from home as often as Loki, fighting on the front of battles, leading his warriors to another glorious victory.

 

∞

 

When at home, Loki is rarely seen by others. He confines himself in his house and he does not speak as if an invisible thread has sewn his mouth shut. He does this for the good of all, to spare others and himself of any unwanted animosity.

 

When at home, Thor’s laughter echoes throughout the city. He is surrounded by his friends as he retells fantastic tales of battles he and his soldiers had fought. All look up to him and their eyes are filled with admiration and respect.

 

∞

 

As they grow older, Loki has become much fonder of Thor. His fondness is no longer simply that of a friend’s. Maybe his fondness for Thor has never been that of a friend’s. His heart is heavy with unsaid words, unspoken words of affection. They weigh him down and down until he has trouble breathing at times, leaving him desperately gasping for breath like a pitiful mortal drowning under a stormy ocean. Loki knows that his fondness for Thor has been slowly breaking him. His blue eyes are no longer a drizzle of rain to him, but an overwhelming storm that can swallow him whole.

 

As they grow older, Thor has spent less and less time with Loki. As much as he thinks fondly of his friend with such tragic of a gift, he cannot help but enjoy being surrounded by others who treat him with warmth and laugh along with him.

 

∞

 

When the sun sets and darkness spreads through the city, Thor leaves his friends and turns to walk the familiar path he has walked for a long time. It has become so familiar to him that he is certain he can find the way with his eyes covered.

 

Sometimes, he is curious. Does Loki plan his cunning schemes when he is alone? Does he sharpen his tongue, as warriors sharpen their weapons, with more creative words to sting, to destroy and kill?

 

His footsteps become more careful and quiet as he enters Loki’s chambers. He treads silently, wondering what trickery Loki may be practicing. Instead, however, what he hears is a whimper, a painful cry, and a gasp for breath.

 

When Thor quickens his pace and enters Loki’s bedroom, he sees his friend clenching tight onto his heart, his body shuddering in pain.

 

“Loki!” Thor runs to him to find out what has caused him such pain, but soon his gentle hands are harshly pushed away from Loki’s shoulders.

 

“I do not need your petty help!” Loki spits out, but soon, his cries out in pain. “I can’t, Thor, please. I can’t-” His voice shakes, a sharp contrast to his normally cold voice.

 

“You can’t do what?” Thor asks carefully, reaching out to hold Loki again.

 

“My fate- It’s a curse.” Loki finally manages to spill those words that have been rotting inside him since he became aware of his unwanted talent.

 

“Loki,” Thor places his hands once more to Loki’s body, but once again, they are pushed away roughly.

 

“Leave, you brute!” Loki hisses and Thor’s concerned face twists into a frown that Loki knows he makes when he’s angry and upset. _This is the day he’s going to leave me._

 

Thor is, indeed, angry and upset. His will to understand the cause of Loki’s pain falters. He did not come here for his night to be ruined. He could have joined his friends for another round of drinks instead, more mead and more laughter.

 

With a rigid face, Thor turns to leave.

 

“Thor, I’m sorry.” Loki whispers and Thor immediately comes to a stop. His last word is what makes him rush back to Loki. It is what makes him embrace his friend in a tight hug, regretting his easily withered will to understand this tragic god in his arms. Loki’s hands continue to try to swat him away, but Thor does not care for all these years, not once has he heard Loki apologize, not once.

 

It breaks Thor to see Loki bite his hand hard from his words spilling. Blood trickles down the marble floor and although Thor tries to pull his bleeding hand away, Loki is relentless. He rather bites his hand harder for his tongue forms more words to hurt Thor, more words to cut and kill.

 

Thor pulls his hand away from his mouth with force and tightly entwines Loki’s bloody hand with his. Loki bites his lips. He is tired of this.

 

“It’s okay, Loki. Stop hurting yourself, please.” Thor talks to him in a gentle voice. “Stop biting your lips. Loki, please stop.”

 

He has, once again, lost the battle against his nature, his fate. He shuts his eyes, too much in pain already to witness how his words will hurt Thor. When his lips part, however, no words leave his mouth, but warm lips cover his and soft tongue pushes inside.

 

Thor wishes he can share the excruciating pain Loki must be going through and swallow all the hurtful words that leaves Loki’s mouth, so that one day, Loki could speak with care, with honesty, and with love that Thor is certain he has inside him.

 

∞

 

When at home, after battles, diplomacies, peace treaties, and anything else that required their specific talents, Thor walks the ever familiar path to where he knows Loki will always be. He opens the door to Loki’s chambers and finds him with a book on his lap. Loki sneers, but before he could open his mouth, Thor’s lips are on his, silencing Loki’s unwanted insults.

 

∞

 

Thor plants kisses along the soft cloth tied around Loki’s lips, stopping him from spilling cutting words to him. He wants nothing more than to kiss him. He wants to feel the inside of Loki’s mouth with his tongue. He wants his tongue to tangle with Loki’s, playfully prodding and pulling. He wants to do them all, but they know that that would never work, or even if it did, it would never last long enough. Sooner or later, Loki will be shouting insults and writhing to escape from Thor’s gentle kisses and touches.

 

It was Loki’s idea in the first place that he be gagged and bound, so that his nature won’t stop them from sharing their love and passion. Thor is heartbroken, nonetheless, to see him like this under him with his arms and legs bound to the bed and his mouth gagged.

 

Thor’s touches overwhelm Loki. His touches show how much he cares for him. Loki has to blink his eyes to fight off his tears, lest that Thor may misunderstand the reason behind them and worry.

 

Even as Thor slowly moves in and out of him and Loki cries helpless moans through his bound lips, he is fighting a battle inside. There is a side of him that feels undignified, squirming under Thor like this. _Like a wanton whore_ , the voice inside him snarls. There is a side of him that is angry for feeling undignified for being touched by someone he loves dearest. After all, it should be natural to feel shameless, sharing love with someone he cares for so much. Lastly, there is a side of him that wants nothing more to be free from these bounds so he can return the love Thor has shown him for so long and to tell him a hundred times—no, a thousand times—how much he loves him.

 

∞

 

Thor stands and watches, feeling utterly powerless, amongst the crowd gathered around to witness the punishment as Loki is stripped of his powers for the unforgivable crime he had committed: conspiring against the council ruled by the old gods.

 

He has heard through ancient legends and old tales that taking away one’s power, which has been embedded so deeply into every part of one’s mind, body, and soul, was the worst pain one could suffer from. Becoming a powerless mortal, yet clearly remembering the limitless powers one had as a god, it was the worst punishment for an immortal.

 

Thor’s muscles twitch and tremble as he watches the slow process of the punishment. He wants to push the crowd away and run up to where Loki is, screaming and shouting, crying and begging, slowly losing his consciousness from the prolonged pain.

 

It hurts him inside and out to watch Loki in so much pain. He wants to turn his eyes elsewhere, but he dares not. He continues to watch him, as Loki does the same. Despite the continuous agony and weakening conscious, his eyes search and find Thor’s.

 

Through unsaid words, Thor consoles him that he is there for him, that although he is not able to stand beside him to hold him when he crumbles to the floor, he is there with him, and that he understands. He _understands_ Loki’s decision. He had chosen _freedom_ , breaking off the heavy burden of fate that was weighing him down and slowly drowning him.

 

He understands. Yet, he cannot stop the wave of emotions crashing down on him as this may be the last time they will ever see each other again. So many unsaid words and the overwhelming feeling of solitude; centuries of Loki’s sufferings come crashing down on him and he tries his best to persuade his mind that this is for the best, that this is their happy ending, that there is no need for sadness.

 

When Loki is rolled off the bridge and thrown into an abyss, Thor sees a small smile lingering on Loki’s unconscious face. Finally, Thor lowers his head to the ground and chokes. If this was their happy ending, why does he feel so broken?

 

∞

 

When Thor comes down to Earth, he cloaks himself in dirtied, worn out rags. It is what gods have always done through centuries and millennia. They conceal their identities and observe the lives of mortals. That is his supposed intent, but deep down, he is here for Loki. He wanted, no, he _needed_ to see how he has been coping on Earth, stripped from his powers.

 

He limps his way to the village. To mortal eyes, he is nothing but an unwanted outcast. He slowly walks by the field where middle-aged farmers are chatting happily, free of concern and full of enthusiasm. Immediately, he searches for a familiar face among the men.

 

“You are the worst farmer I’ve ever seen.” The old man, leaning on the shovel at the edge of the field, teases the youngest man struggling with breaking up the soil with his shovel. “I can bet my whole land that you were a scholar before you lost your memory.” He adds on with a laugh as the man nearly trips and falls on his face.

 

Regaining his balance, the young man turns to him with his eyes full of delight and mischief. “Is that so?”

 

“You have absolutely no skills in farming, but you can read and write perfectly like one of those scholars or church people who pass by sometimes.” The old man says.

 

“You’re great with words, too.” Another farmer near them supports the old man’s theory with a smile on his face.

 

“Hmm,” the young man pretends to think for a moment until he bursts out laughing. “You men have days’ worth of work to do and yet, you stand here and contemplate on my past, which I have no memory of! Words are naught! Now _I_ am a man of action and I am going to show you that I could get everything here done by this evening.”

 

The others laugh and tease him. “You’ve been working on that small piece of land for days while we’ve been doing the rest!” Loki shamelessly makes a playful face at them and the laughter continues.

 

Thor feels like he is dreaming, a very happy dream where Loki is free from his chains. For the first time, Loki’s laughter fills his ears. It is a beautiful melody in his ears that he has never heard in centuries.

 

“Actually, my knees are in terrible pain. Do you know think I deserve a short rest for working for such a long time?” He walks away from the field, ignoring the men’s playful complaints, and sits on the dirt ground without any hesitation. He has thrown away his pride and dignity as a god and he did so happily.

 

Thor walks by him, wishing to see him closer, and a small hope flickers that maybe he could recognize him despite his dirty cloak. He has to swallow his disappointment, however, when Loki simply lets him pass without even glancing at him. He is busy watching the farmers working.

 

 _It is time to go home_ , Thor thinks with a melancholic smile. He has seen Loki happy and that is all he needed to know.

 

“Would you like some water?” A voice behind him says. It is Loki. “It is too warm of a day for anyone to be covered in a cloak like that.” He hears Loki approach him. Then he feels a gentle hand on his shoulder.

 

When Thor turns around, it's as if Thor is looking at a different person. Loki’s _everything_ has changed. The realization makes Thor's heart heavy with guilt. He cannot help but think how he must have suffered for centuries over countless of unspoken words and unwillingly spoken words.

 

"Water?" Loki asks again with a gentle smile. As Thor nods slowly, Loki runs back to get his pouch. Some men start yelling at him, "Loki, get to work now!"

 

"Alright, alright! Let me at least help this pitiful man with some water! You must be sweating profusely!" He says as he hands Thor his water pouch. When their hands touch, Loki's eyes widen for a short second until his face becomes unreadable.

 

"Where are you headed to?" He asks.

 

"Nowhere in particular. I walk wherever the road leads me to." Thor replies in a low voice.

 

As Thor drinks his water, Loki carefully watches him. There is a hint of uncertainty and curiosity in his eyes. He tilts his head slightly in hopes of seeing the man under the cloak any better. Then their eyes meet, Thor's blue and Loki's green. Loki gasps suddenly as if something had hit him in the chest. His blue reminds Loki of a strong rain after months of drought.

 

"Are you alright?" Thor asks, stopping his hand from reaching for him.

 

"Yes, yes, it's just-" Loki meets his eyes once more and this time he looks at Thor with shaking eyes. "I just remembered a tale I used to hear, when I was little, of gods who came down to Earth to observe the lives of mortals. They would dress in poor clothes and beg for food and drink, to test the kindness of mortals." Loki smiles carefully.

 

"Yes, I am aware of the tale." Thor answers knowingly.

 

"I am a firm believer in showing kindness to others. You see, I live in the kindness of these people here. More than a year ago, I was found in the forest nearby. I was gravely injured and the villagers here took me in as their family. They fed me, they gave me a place to stay, and now, as you can see, they are trying to teach me how to farm." He chuckles. "I believe it is only right to share what I've received from them. Kindness, warmth, love, those are some of the many I was never allowed to share before with others.

 

"So dear wandering traveler, please accept my invitation for supper once the work is done here, which I am certain will _not_ be done today. Maybe tomorrow, or the next day, or the day after the next day. Oh, well," He giggles. "I will be more than happy to share a meal with a traveler who has seen much more than I have."

 

Loki’s smile is comforting and Thor feels at home.

∞

 

Thor realizes that Loki no longer stays silent as he used to. Quite the contrary, he realizes that Loki never stops talking anymore. It's as if he's trying to make up for all the words he held inside his mind for centuries. By the time they're done with supper, Thor believes he knows the whole villager by their names and how many children they have and even the number of their stock.

 

It is almost as playing a game. Thor continues to play the 'wandering traveler,' while Loki chats continuously, not once letting it slip that he is aware of Thor's true identity. However, when Thor helps Loki clean up after supper, Loki whispers close to his ear. "Now you can kiss me all you want, unless you still prefer me bound." Loki giggles walking to his bed while Thor is still left in awe.

 

∞

 

Mortals wish to share their afterlife with immortals in heaven when they leave Earth. For Thor, his heaven is in this mortal land with Loki as he loses himself tasting every inch of his lover’s and kissing him until he runs out of breath.

 

He gently nips and licks his reddened lips and pushes himself deep inside, savoring the moment. As he moves his hips forward, he relishes moments Loki's arms wrap around his neck and his legs around his waist. Thor still finds it pleasingly strange whenever Loki giggles and laughs between his gasps and moans as if he’s unable to contain his happiness, but he _understands_ and his mind is finally convinced that _this_ is their happy ending.

 

∞

 

**Author's Note:**

> feedback is greatly appreciated; also posted on [tumblr](http://ambiguouslines.tumblr.com/tagged/unsaid)  
> 


End file.
